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Dear:
[ ] Horny Teenager
[ ] Horny Old Man
[ ] Horny Old Woman
[ ] Clueless n00b
[ ] Clueless Veteran
[ ] Chronic Spammer
[ ] Jealous Scumbag
[ ] Johnny or Jenny Do-Gooder
[ ] Menace to Society
[ ] Wannabe hacker
[ ] Stupid thread starter
[ ] Stupid thread reviver
[ ] Brainless sheep
[ ] Clever Bastard
[ ] Jack the Ripper
[ ] Troll under my bridge
[ ] Anti-social alien
[ ] Whiny Biatch
[ ] Annoying Boaster
[ ] Ignorant Asshole
[ ] Pompous Asswipe
[ ] Fruit of my loins
[ ] Error of God
[ ] Deviant Stalker
[ ] Disturbing Psychotic
[ ] Wannabe sex god
[ ] Amateur Wrestler
[ ] sub-human mystery of nature

You Are Being Flamed Because:
[ ] You posted a “MY COUNTRY RULEZ” message
[ ] You posted an “I’M SO SEXY” message
[ ] You posted a “WHY DON’T PEOPLE COMMENT ON MY WORK” message
[ ] You posted an “EVERYBODY SUCKS” message
[ ] You posted a “DEVIANTART SUCKS” message
[ ] You’ve posted in the wrong forum
[ ] You’ve posted in the wrong thread
[ ] You revived a long dead thread
[ ] You started a thread which has been done 6.3 million times already
[ ] You posted a shot of your ass and it made Daily Deviation
[ ] You are not being sufficiently abusive
[ ] You are rambling
[ ] You don’t know what the hell you just said
[ ] You are sucking up to an admin
[ ] You are flaming an admin
[ ] You post “ROFL” continually in reply to a popular deviant’s jokes in order to get noticed
[ ] You change your personality ever other week
[ ] You are not “The One”
[ ] You have attempted to eat me with a spork
[ ] You are an amateur at playing God
[ ] You are racist
[ ] You are sexist
[ ] I pity the fool!
[ ] We know all your secrets
[ ] You thought that Battlefield Earth was a good movie
[ ] You thought that Michael Jackson wasn’t an alien
[ ] We refuse to refer to you as “Big Poppa Smurf”
[ ] You organised a revolt against the Kalimon Revolution involving headless chickens
[ ] Your post has more typos than a blind typewriting monkey on dope
[ ] You are the stupidest person here
[ ] Your deviation has been done a million times before
[ ] You ripped someone and claimed that they ripped you
[ ] You posted porn to get pageviews
[ ] You proclaimed my deviations to be “pr0n” to get some attention and chum up with the admins
[ ] Your clever spamming has not gone unnoticed
[ ] You have attempted to perform sexual acts on a Batty
[ ] You posted a “genital herpes is better than diarrhoea” thread on a forum dedicated to young mothers
[ ] Bambi didn’t die!
[ ] You have been previously banned
[ ] I flamed your punk ass once but you keep coming for more
[ ] You have angered jark and all hell has broken loose
[ ] You have angered the Collective Rectum
[ ] You have constipated the Collective Rectum
[ ] You have caused the Collective Rectum to get the runs
[ ] The VD clinic is next door
[ ] The glue factory is next door
[ ] The Job Centre is next door

To Repent, You Must:
[ ] Kiss my ass
[ ] Kiss your own ass after applying Preparation H
[ ] Watch jark and the admins break dancing for 5 consecutive hours to the beat of System of a Down’s “Chop Suey”
[ ] Actually post something in English we can all understand
[ ] Read my fucking post
[ ] Hook up with a horny old man
[ ] Hook up with a horny old woman
[ ] Make love to a rhinoceros wearing only swimming goggles
[ ] If male, change your name to Chesty for a week
[ ] If female, change your name to Butch for a week
[ ] Cover yourself in mayonnaise and perform the full YMCA dance naked during horsefly season
[ ] Help probe jark’s abductees with a small, scaly stick
[ ] Revive the Forum Coalition
[ ] Join the Church of Anus
[ ] Join me in holy matrimony
[ ] Wear only S&M accessories and walk into Starbucks
[ ] Prove the moon landing to be a hoax
[ ] Get a reality check
[ ] Get a guard dog because I’m coming over to open a can
[ ] Get a girlfriend/boyfriend
[ ] Get a job, if possible, overseas
[ ] Get a life, if possible, human
[ ] Poke a sleeping bear
[ ] Watch 5 consecutive hours of a reality tv show
[ ] Expel yourself from the Collective Rectum in a mere 0.14 seconds
[ ] Stuff wieners down your pants during a drugs search involving German Shepards in heat
[ ] Dress up as a gorilla and go to the jungle during mating season
[ ] Rub the Collective Rectum with lubricant during diarrhoea season
[ ] Kiss the Collective Rectum with lubricant during diarrhoea season
[ ] Tell Al Gore that he seriously needs to get laid
[ ] Pretend you are divine and form a suicide cult consisting of squirrels
[ ] Run while I get my sniper rifle
[ ] Code a virus that polls my userpage 10 000 times a day
[ ] Catalogue all of kalimon’s posts in reverse alphabetical order, twice.
[ ] Create a new deviantART mascot by making love to Fella and name it Bebee
[ ] Stand in the middle of Roswell wearing tin foil shouting “Take me!”
[ ] Stop watching animal sex on the Discovery Channel
[ ] Use the fucking brain God gave you
[ ] Shoot yourself with the fucking gun I gave you
[ ] Attempt to decipher the riddle of how the Collective Rectum got hemorrhoids

Copyright 2002-2003 kronix© Publications. Disclaimer: :stfu:

Contributions: kalimon, sasso, amphex.
Thanks to dygel for giving me the idea.
The Ultimate Flame Form 2003

This was made in the heat of 2002 when there was an abundance of annoying spammers on the forums (!) and something had to be done. It's origins stem from $dygel's posting of a short flame form that he got from a newsgroup.

I've edited it to reflect the deviantART forums of 2003. I lot of humour remains from 2002, let's hope it brings back some memories.

The screenshot contains an old picture of $jark I made.
Add a Comment:
 
:iconkarmacursed:
karmacursed Featured By Owner Nov 26, 2009  Hobbyist General Artist
Pfffft. That's great, why do I always find stuff late? :confused: Bah at least I found it.
Reply
:iconhype95:
Hype95 Featured By Owner Feb 24, 2008
Im totaly gonna use this :typerhappy:
Reply
:iconfalcoza:
FalcoZA Featured By Owner Jan 3, 2008   Traditional Artist
:D awesome
Reply
:icondigitalhoser:
Digitalhoser Featured By Owner Mar 18, 2007
I have spots where I can use this to shut up annoying idiots on other forums! You give me funnies and practial insults to shut the trolls up! Fave!
Reply
:iconwarthogdemon:
WarthogDemon Featured By Owner Mar 9, 2007   Writer
If I use it, can I hide behind it? :p :lol:
Reply
:iconchimpantalones:
Chimpantalones Featured By Owner Dec 3, 2006   Interface Designer
I will be using this. :giggle:
Reply
:iconkiralio:
Kiralio Featured By Owner Aug 12, 2005
Stuff wieners down your pants during a drugs search involving German Shepards in heat...

...

*Laughing so hard no sound comes out.*
Reply
:iconphoti:
photi Featured By Owner Feb 7, 2005
:giggle: i'll have to bear those in mind :D
Reply
:iconjenniferstarling:
JenniferStarling Featured By Owner Sep 10, 2004
Amusing...
Reply
:iconxapax:
xapax Featured By Owner Sep 8, 2004  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Very very funny, my favorite is "You started a thread which has been done 6.3 million times already" :lol:
Reply
:iconstarrlitsuicide:
starrlitsuicide Featured By Owner Sep 4, 2004
really, i have no idea what to say about this.
Reply
:iconlazygrrrl:
lazygrrrl Featured By Owner Jul 25, 2004
:o

thats...erm... interesting...

*joins the Church of Anus* XD
Reply
:iconsperpy:
Sperpy Featured By Owner Jun 4, 2004  Hobbyist
"You posted a shot of your ass and it made Daily Deviation"

"You don’t know what the hell you just said"

"Actually post something in English we can all understand"

"We refuse to refer to you as “Big Poppa Smurf”"

I liked those ones especially. Thank you very much for the laughs, so thoroughly insightful into DA "culture" or what have you.
Reply
:iconvozz:
vozz Featured By Owner May 2, 2004
Hahahaha. Nice.
Reply
:iconsaxon1:
saxon1 Featured By Owner May 14, 2003
This is deffo going as a fave...i love it
Reply
:iconamolerouth:
amolerouth Featured By Owner May 8, 2003  Professional Artisan Crafter
*snikker* Hehehehe... I have a halo... I'll never use this... I definately did not laugh at all during it...
Rock on, that ... uh... rocks. :P (Lick)
Reply
:iconost2life:
ost2life Featured By Owner May 3, 2003  Hobbyist Photographer
I know just where I could use this :) (Smile)
Reply
:iconweaponzero:
weaponzero Featured By Owner May 1, 2003
hah, i remember this

theres a lot of typos though :| (Blank Stare)
Reply
:iconi-drew:
i-drew Featured By Owner Apr 30, 2003   Digital Artist
pwnz.
Reply
:iconevilpixi420:
evilpixi420 Featured By Owner Apr 28, 2003
what can I say.....damn, thats classic.
Reply
:iconkalimon:
kalimon Featured By Owner Apr 27, 2003
... =) (Smile)
Reply
:icond1st0rt3d:
d1st0rt3d Featured By Owner Apr 26, 2003
Haha. That's funny.
Reply
:iconwhackaxe:
whackaxe Featured By Owner Apr 26, 2003
bravo :D (Big Grin)
Reply
:iconkronix:
kronix Featured By Owner Apr 26, 2003
Wow, that was retarded.
Reply
:iconjellycious:
jellycious Featured By Owner Apr 26, 2003
:/ check #16 for you are being flamed becuase and send it to me...
:| (Blank Stare)
Reply
:iconjellycious:
jellycious Featured By Owner Apr 26, 2003
ROFL
Reply
:iconjellycious:
jellycious Featured By Owner Apr 26, 2003
ROFL
Reply
:iconcharlemagne:
charlemagne Featured By Owner Apr 26, 2003  Professional Photographer
This is worth saving and putting into the Guiness records as the most ingenius reply to a flame ever.
Reply
:iconklithium:
klithium Featured By Owner Apr 25, 2003
Laughing my ass off! Niiiiiice hehehe ;) (Wink)

-K
Reply
:icongirlunderway:
girlunderway Featured By Owner Apr 25, 2003
rofl
Reply
:iconsquanderdalfast:
squanderdalfast Featured By Owner Apr 24, 2003
i smiled
Reply
:iconsubterfuge:
subterfuge Featured By Owner Apr 23, 2003   Photographer
that made my day :) (Smile)
Reply
:iconl-courni:
l-courni Featured By Owner Apr 23, 2003
lol

*bookmarks*

i loved using the previous ones :D (Big Grin) hehehehe
Reply
:iconlady-blue:
Lady-Blue Featured By Owner Apr 21, 2003  Professional Artisan Crafter
wonderful. LOL

Heart Amy
Reply
:iconidiotsavant:
idiotsavant Featured By Owner Apr 21, 2003
Oh god.. Battlefield Earth.. you all know thats about scientology right?
Reply
:iconbronzerocket:
BronzeRocket Featured By Owner Apr 21, 2003  Professional Interface Designer
truely hilarious my friend. :) (Smile)
Reply
:iconprojectc:
projectc Featured By Owner Apr 21, 2003
ROFL!!!! ROFL!!!! ROFL!!!!

(sorry.. that was lame)
Reply
:iconlolly:
lolly Featured By Owner Apr 20, 2003
This is very thoroug! I hope never to see it used against me!
Reply
:iconmkinne:
mkinne Featured By Owner Apr 20, 2003  Professional Artist
holy crap. this is t3h rox0r.
Reply
:iconhif:
hif Featured By Owner Apr 18, 2003
Thats brilliant, man.
You've goten it pretty narrowed down ;) (Wink)
*Opens playlist*
*Hits 'Chop Suey'*
Reply
:iconangelbelle:
angelbelle Featured By Owner Apr 18, 2003
Heehee! I wanna use that!
Reply
:iconhaemosu:
haemosu Featured By Owner Apr 18, 2003
Hahaha so true :) (Smile)
Reply
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